"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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