he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
