I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
