it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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