guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
