So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
