sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
