closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
