i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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