Me. At least after what I've been through.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
