I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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