Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
