Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
