It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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