Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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