Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
