feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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