i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
