Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
