peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He has the fingertips of a God
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