2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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