the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
And then he peed in my hair
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