I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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