you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
