The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
