and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
