Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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