Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
