she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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