I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
