I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
