Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
