sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Boobs are out for the taking
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
