I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
