Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
