Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
