Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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