When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
third nipple confirmed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
His nipple licking is glorious
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