I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
