my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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