Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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