Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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