Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
