that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
