Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
