So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
