You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
