I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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