There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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