Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
