You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
