I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
