Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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