I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
