We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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