The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
