can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
