Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
