Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
