I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
