batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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