i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
