Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
