God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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