We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
