Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
