i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize