Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
