you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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