community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
