Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
