I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
