she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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