I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
