she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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